cracking open

image via

I have to tell you. I am feeling terribly vulnerable. I thought I would feel empowered, ready for action, to make the change from being the gal that let her fear stop her from doing things, to being the gal would said, "screw it, I 'm gonna do it anyway." I had psyched myself up for that. I was ready.

wow, was i wrong

It seemed so simple. Everyone else is doing it. Why can't I? Why can't I announce to all my friends (via FB) that I have a blog? Why can't I announce that, YES, I am doing art and feel empowered that I took that step and feel proud. Well, at the time I was proud that I took that step. Now, I'm feeling like I opened a door that I wasn't quite ready to open and for others to see. The gremlins are coming on strong. This is what they sound like: Who are you to call yourself an artist? Who are you to think that people will be interested in what you have to say? Why are you doing this? It's silly.
Even though I don't really want to admit all this (especially publicly), I have to. Because if I don't, than I am not being the real authentic Serena. Not to me and not to you. And that is not why I am here. That's not the girl I want to be.

I'm reading the book, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene` Brown, which is a powerful and eye opening book. I found this quote which is helping me to push past these feelings of vulnerablilitly and to keep on keeping on.

"Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy- the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of the light."

I know I'm not always going to do things right, say the right things and be able to prevent myself from falling back on old habits, but I'm learning (slowly) that showing up is the biggest step I can take and for god's sake, to give myself a break.
If you are here reading this blog, thank you for being here. I am just beginning to crack open and I'm not sure where it will take me. I can't promise anything. I can't promise that I'll post regularly or that I'll share my artwork often. That is what I'd like to do, but I need to say that in order take some of the expectations off my back and to allow myself the room to do the work that I know I need to do.

phew.....that got heavy.

Here is what I'm thankful for today. By allowing myself to be cracked open, I've given the light a place



to shine through!

a try at triptych and dream lab

I've always loved the idea of several art pieces that hang together on the wall that could be viewed independently but also complement each other when hung together. I've been working on these three panels which have lots of texture, which I love, and a pretty muted color pallet.
I haven't reached that done feeling yet, but not sure what else they need. So, I thought I'd put them up here to see if any of you wise and talented peeps have any suggestions. No need to fluff my feathers if they aren't your style. Just looking for some good, honest opinions.
I know the pictures aren't the best, but if I waited until there was some good natural light here in the NW, I wouldn't have any pictures at all.




In other news, at the last minute, I signed up for the mondo beyondo dream lab offered by 3 ladies that I admire so much. I need a kick in the pants and I am looking forward to digging deep, dreaming big and getting this party started!

Dream big my friends!

Taking action

I can't tell you how often I come to this computer, sit down, open up my blog, place my fingers on the keyboard, and then sit there for a long time without writing anything. I may write a few sentences, post a picture, then sit back and stare at a mostly blank page, not knowing what else to say. It's not that I don't have anything to say, I just haven't quite found my blog voice. you see, I really want to have a place where I can write about things that matter to me, that inspire me, that scare me. However, those are the things that when I try to explain in words, never quite seems right. I often ask myself, why have a blog then? What is it that draws you to this? I hate to say that I don't think I'm a very good writer, because I try not to judge myself toooo much. but in reality, that is the truth. I struggle finding the right words with almost everything. What draws me to blog, is seeing first hand the awesome community of people you can meet and connect with. To have support from like minded souls as I travel down the bumpy road. To have a place to celebrate my successes and my creativity with others and also a place to come when I need guidance or reassurance. And ultimately (this is hard for me to say out loud) to have a (safe) place that I can share my artwork.

So hears the deal:



I'm tired of not doing things because I don't think that I do them well or that anyone else will be interested in it. I really have done that for far too long. If I can't overcome that obstacle, than all the dreams that live inside my head will never happen and I just can't tolerate that any longer. Life really is too short, and with every year that passes, they seem to go faster and faster. I can't make time slow down, but I can change myself and the way I live out my days.

With that said: I have chosen the word ACTION for my word of the year. When I was telling my hubby about the concept of choosing a focus word for the year, rather than making typical resolutions, I asked him what he thought his word would be. After a brief silence, at the same time, we both said out loud kick ass! It's kind of a joke between us, but I found it uncanny that we were thinking the same thing at the same time. I took it as an omen. But rather than writing kick ass all the time and posting it on my fridge and other places to be seen, I wanted to find another word that basically meant the same thing, but was a little more kid friendly! ACTION seemed appropriate.


I have this words of wisdom book that I cut up to use phrases or words for in my art projects, so I opened it up to see if the word action was there:
Here's what I found and it just sums it up perfectly:

ACT

When it's time, get moving
After you've reflected and meditated, waited, prayed, and reaffirmed, act.
Act on your instincts. Act without delay. Send the letter, make the call. Pack the box. Issue the invitation. Get on the plane. Act already! Act with your own best interests at heart. Act in accordance with your most closely held values.
Act mindfully. Act on behalf of the very young or the very old or the very needy. Now and then, act half your age. Act out in your living room, act up in public. Strut around and act as though you own the joint. Act like the woman you've always wanted to be-and don't be surprised when suddenly you are!

So, here I am. This is me taking action. This is me trying to get past my insecurities and get down to kicking ass! Hope you'll join me for the ride!



Happy 2011 my friends! I have a feeling this is going to be a great year! Do you feel it too?