Thursday, December 10, 2009

Dear Serena

hey you. yes you, the one sitting in that orange sweater with that funky little black thing over the top. hair pulled back in a pony tail (like always). listening to Jem on the stereo. thinking that 35 seems really odd and unfamiliar. how did i get here. loving that my mom surprised me by flying out from colorado to celebrate my birthday. the one who chose to go to ikea over a spa day. what is becoming of me. the one looking out the window at the beautiful ice crystals shimmering in the sun. the one who changed clothes 3 times this morning because suddenly my clothes don't seem to be "me". wondering if all of these feelings are because of turning 35 or just something that has been brewing for a long time and is starting to surface. so thankful for my family and friends in such an uncertain time in this world. wanting desperately to find my creative voice and to speak it clearly and loudly. adoring and holding near and dear the little sentiments that have been coming from jackson. like. mom, i just love being with you. mom, you're my best friend. giving me winks and hugs and kisses. man oh man, i hope that never ends. it's the best thing in the world. wondering if this will be the year. wondering how to stay present and find my breath everyday. loving my new friends and their wonderful offerings. loving my lime green arm warmers and licorice tea. finding gratification in taking pictures and playing with them in photoshop. trying to give myself a break. trying to remember and hold onto the memories and lessons learned at the be present retreat. wishing that i had more time to really connect with all of those lovely ladies. in love with Katie Herzig's tunes. thankful for new experiences and adventures. love, love, loving my sweet husband who gets it, who gets me and loves me endlessly. admiring my sisi ryder who has taken the reigns and is going for it. always. laughing at the fact that about 80% of the time I no longer have a daughter, but a kitty cat named Charlotte. life is good, life is crazy, life is going to quickly. I'm 35. I'm forging ahead and determined to keep fighting the good fight and make the best of life. Please remember Serena.... you can do it. yes. you. can! now GO!