Dear Serena

hey you. yes you, the one sitting in that orange sweater with that funky little black thing over the top. hair pulled back in a pony tail (like always). listening to Jem on the stereo. thinking that 35 seems really odd and unfamiliar. how did i get here. loving that my mom surprised me by flying out from colorado to celebrate my birthday. the one who chose to go to ikea over a spa day. what is becoming of me. the one looking out the window at the beautiful ice crystals shimmering in the sun. the one who changed clothes 3 times this morning because suddenly my clothes don't seem to be "me". wondering if all of these feelings are because of turning 35 or just something that has been brewing for a long time and is starting to surface. so thankful for my family and friends in such an uncertain time in this world. wanting desperately to find my creative voice and to speak it clearly and loudly. adoring and holding near and dear the little sentiments that have been coming from jackson. like. mom, i just love being with you. mom, you're my best friend. giving me winks and hugs and kisses. man oh man, i hope that never ends. it's the best thing in the world. wondering if this will be the year. wondering how to stay present and find my breath everyday. loving my new friends and their wonderful offerings. loving my lime green arm warmers and licorice tea. finding gratification in taking pictures and playing with them in photoshop. trying to give myself a break. trying to remember and hold onto the memories and lessons learned at the be present retreat. wishing that i had more time to really connect with all of those lovely ladies. in love with Katie Herzig's tunes. thankful for new experiences and adventures. love, love, loving my sweet husband who gets it, who gets me and loves me endlessly. admiring my sisi ryder who has taken the reigns and is going for it. always. laughing at the fact that about 80% of the time I no longer have a daughter, but a kitty cat named Charlotte. life is good, life is crazy, life is going to quickly. I'm 35. I'm forging ahead and determined to keep fighting the good fight and make the best of life. Please remember Serena.... you can do it. yes. you. can! now GO!

random musings

It is a seriously dark and rainy monday around here. Fortunately, monday is the only day where I get four whole hours to myself and I'm not going to let it get me down. No way Jose`!
my mind is all over the map today~but in an effort to write more and blog more often, here i am. so bear with me.

what's on my mind:

*feeling really internal right now. Most likely the change of seasons and short daylight hours, but also, still trying to figure out how to take what I discovered at the Unearth retreat and make it a vital part of me- of my life- a priority that doesn't get pushed to the side to make way for all the other things that need my attention ( ah-hem..... preschoolers anyone?)

* feeling incredibily grateful for my family and for those that love me. For without them, my sanity would be severly compromised.

* realizing that my knack for good spelling and abilitly to remember things (to do list) is gone.... I mean GONE..... what the heck is up with that? For years I have blamed it on "the mommy brain", but I don't think I can get away with that anymore.

*My family thinks I'm cooking dinner right now (hee hee)
don't tell!

* Saw 'This is It' last night. MJ rocks. loved this flick and can't wait to see it again.

* Loving that my chocolate addiction is also offering me some devine inspiration. Today the quote inside my tasty little wrapper said "challange yourself and seek inward peace". I do declare..... chocolate is the answer!!!

* Feeling really inspired by all the lovely women in my life and all their creations. Yes.... I'm talking about YOU! If you are reading this, then you are one of those women. Thank you

* I'm happy

* ok, yes. I have had a glass or two of wine.

* It has taken me all day to finish this post even though I feel like I really haven't said anything.

* stumbled upon this video today while searching for a photo and haven't stopped laughing since. I had completely forgotten about it and am thankful for the giggles it has provided today.

Later Gators! Be Well.

Art Exchange

My sweet new friend, Kolleen, sent me an invitation to participate in an art exchange. Basically, I create a piece of art and send it off the name on the top of the list. I didn't know the person except through a couple of stories that Kolleen had told me. With a name like Pixie, how could you not be cute. I just learned today through a facebook post that she is a fellow artist and is doing a show in LA this weekend. I have to admit, I was fairly intimidated at the prospect of having to produce a piece of art and then to have to ship it off. my punk demons came out instantly! "who are you to call yourself an artist" "what if they hate it" "what if I can't come up with anything good". Then, taking the advice of two beautiful beings, I found my breath and then just went for it! "There are no mistakes" right? Well anyway, here is what I came up with. It all came together in about two hours and I am pretty happy with it. I can't wait to see what shows up in my mailbox and I am so inspired by people having blind faith in themselves and having the abilitly to open up and share. This is all just so cool.

Home

Home is where I want to be these days. Cozy, warm, little home. Fall is totally seeping into my bones. Loving hot tea, soup on the stove, lazy days and going to bed early. This isn't necessarily conducive to being productive, but I'm ok with it. At least for now.

Hot Babes

_MG_0729, originally uploaded by nomadic patty.

Check out all of these amazing and beautiful women that I had the good fortune to spend 4 days with.

Thank you ladies for being you and for sharing your journey with me. I feel so blessed to have met each and every one of you.

Kelly B..... this picture is not complete without you. I can't believe that we let you get away with not being in it. However, you are one of the hottest babes around.

Showing Up

I just returned from the Be Present Retreat held on the Oregon coast. 5 days spent with 24 women I had never met. As I packed up my bags I was nervous, excited, thrilled to be finally be headed for this retreat that I signed up for so long ago. I am really glad that I had to pay up front because as the date came closer and closer, I found myself questioning whether or not we could afford it, questioning if it was something that was REALLY important and being pretty nervous about being with a group of gals that I didn't know.


But I showed up:


I SHOWED UP!


and what I realize now is that I couldn't afford NOT to go. I couldn't keep continuing on the same path and be happy about where I was going. You know that expression.... "same shit, different day," well that is how my life started to feel. I needed to stir the pot. I needed to surround myself with like minded women who would get it. I simply just needed some time and space to unearth the creative spirit and flow within myself that has gotten a little buried in the process of raising a family.

With the support, love and encouragement of all the beautiful souls that were along with me on this journey, I feel like I have found myself again. The flicker of light that used to be quietly burning inside me is now starting to look like a flame that is burning brighter and stronger.


There is so much more to say, but finding the right words is hard right now. I'm still processing. but for now I'll say......
Thank you.


Thank you to each and everyone of the beautiful women who made this past week so powerful and amazing for me.


And thank you to myself for having the guts to show up!

my garden

It started with a notion that it would be great to have our own garden. our own fresh food picked right off the vine. not having to pay a premium at the grocery store for organic produce. So we decided to go for it. thank god Sam brought in the heavy equipment to strip the sod and make our beds. pulling weeds is back breaking enough for me thank you very much. there was still much shoveling to be done and i've found that i actually like digging in the dirt. yes, it's painful, but somewhere in the middle comes a great sense of accomplishment and feelings of kicking ass. the beds were made and filled with expensive dirt. next came seeds. i have to say that having never grown vegetables from seed before that i was a little skeptical that this teensy, tiny thing was going to grow into a thriving, food producing machine. i watered the dirt and crossed my fingers and what do you know, no longer than one week passed before we started seeing tiny little green heads popping out of the soil. Amazing!

two and half months later:

we now have more beans, tomatoes, squash than we can possible eat. eating fresh food from the garden rocks. so much more flavor and color and satisfaction.

now.....back to those weeds

my sisi rider

what can I say.....you are just too darned cute