Start Close In

Start close in,
don't take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don't want to take.

Start with
the ground
you know,
the pale ground
beneath your feet,
your own
way of starting
the conversation.

Start with your own
question,
give up on other
people's questions,
don't let them
smother something
simple.

To find
another's voice
follow
your own voice,
wait until
that voice
becomes a
private ear
listening
to another.

Start right now
take a small step
you can call your own
don't follow
someone else's
heroics, be humble
and focused,
start close in,
don't mistake
that other
for your own.

Start close in,
don't take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don't want to take.

~David Whyte

My fellow retreaters will remember this powerful poem from our first night in Manzanita. I remember sitting there with the room filled with candles and all of us huddled together, sitting closely, even though we had just met. The beautiful and oh so calm Liz ,sat down to welcome us and read this poem. I sat quietly with my eyes closed and let the words pour into me. They hit me hard. really hard. I'm not sure why. They just did. maybe it was because it's such a simple concept, but yet, for me seemed like such a difficult task. Take the first step, the one you don't want to take. I often find myself having the hardest time executing the tasks that appear to be the easiest. Am I the only one?

But wait. I was there. right? I DID take a step. I was sitting in a room, hours away from my home, surrounded with gals who were there for the same reason I was. It felt like home, even though I had never been there before, even though I didn't know a single soul there. I did take a step. I had taken a step towards what my heart was calling me to do and it felt good. oh. so. good.

It still feels hard, even though I have proven to myself that it really isn't. So, I must remind myself daily to start with the first step, the one I don't want to take and see what the heck happens from there.

right now

february is the month of love and i can sense it in the air (especially the cyber air). i thought i'd join in and share what i heart right now.

* This amazing artist and his beautiful words. especially love his joy painting and reading about his process of creation. i had a personalized print made from him for one of my best friends baby and it is truly unique and special. those of you who read my last post, the print that hangs in my bathroom is from him and he sent it free along with my order for my girlfriend. HEART.



* receiving a handmade card in the mail from this beautiful gal. oh how i love snail mail. please don't let die. Thank you miss K.

* this musical artist is on heavy rotation, getting me through my days, dancing in the living room with my two, little booty shaking, dance partners. especially love "something great"

*heart this artist. so lovely


*kisses- although i prefer the real thing, herseys extra dark tide me over and put a smile on my face. love me some chocolate.

*my little three year old princess who adores her tutu and fairy wings. the look on her face when she comes out of her room dressed up like a princess is precious and something i'll treasure forever. pure.sweet.innocence


* my new art piece in progress. loving this one. i'll post pictures soon.

sending love your way
be well,
Bumpy

I have been trying for days to sit down and write a meaningful post. I can't seem to narrow or focus all of thoughts in my head these days. So, I'm just going to let it be and share a photo of the print that hangs in my bathroom. It's a great daily reminder to keep striving to do and to be better.


Hope all is well in your world,
love,
Bumpy

a creative weekend

this past weekend was a dream for me. sam took the kids out to lunch and a movie on saturday. the brave guy sat through an hour and a half of squealing chickmunks just to give mama some time alone. thank you babe! i went into town, actually sat down to enjoy my latte, perused the local thrift store and gathered a few new supplies for messy art making. i then headed home and out to the studio to get started creating. i had been working on a piece for awhile with intentions of giving it to a friend for her upcoming birthday. but i got stuck with this piece. i heard
Kelly Rae's voice in my head reminding me to keep pushing through but I just couldn't do it with this one for quite some time. so i put it aside and started some other projects. with the help of some good music and lots of coffee, i was actually pretty productive and happy with what transpired. by the end of the day i came back to the piece that was frustrating me and jumped in. after some fiddling and adding, i finally came to the "done" feeling. good times i tell ya. love my studio. love it!








when the kids came home they came out to the studio to see what mom was up to. they are so cute when they come in there. looking around and at me like "what is going on in here?" they are also very respectful of my space and somehow know that it is mom's special place.
sam and jackson went to work on the road a little bit and i invited sierra to stay with me and make some art together. she was so excited. so went stood side by side and started getting messy together. she started putting paing on the paper and i would add a thing here or there. then i began to add words and asked her what word she wanted to put on there. "funny" was her answer. gotta love that. i was just having the best time and i realized that i was so much looser and free while creating with her. when i am doing my own stuff i am often so much more critical and trying too hard. so this was a good lesson for me. i need to let go of trying to make good art and just let whatever comes out happen. and i loved what we made together.





then it was jackson's turn. he came in and saw that sisi and i were painting and he wanted to join in. so we made room and got busy painting. at first i just let him paint and then asked if i could join in. i absolutely love what came out of that. i wished that i had given him a canvas. i'll have to find a way to frame these paintings. they are so dear to me and it brought me so much joy.





Sunday was a wonderful day too. Gym, grocery shopping (i know.... most people don't enjoy grocery shopping, but i do. especially if i can go without the kids), cooking, a new coffe mug (heart), football, watching sam learn how to tie his own flies. taking a long walk with the kids in the grand forest, and having sam's dad and girlfriend over for dinner. new 24 season. oh yeah. just lovely. wish all weekends could be this good.






All for now.
Be well friends

ps. if anyone out there knows how to edit photos after you have added them to the blog and feels like giving a little tutorial, I'd be much obliged. still trying to figure out blog jargin.

Here we go

well, I chose the word dare and already I am faced with stepping up to the plate. There has been this house for sale behind our current house for 6 months or so. I kept telling myself and even Sam a few times that we should go check it out. You see...... our current house is adorable, it's on 2.5 south facing sunny acres with lots of open space to garden and for the kids to roam. The problem is that our cute little cottage is small and is getting smaller and smaller everyday. 4 peeps, 2 of them being crazy little ninjas, 2 official bedrooms, 1 bathroom and hardly any closets means that we are bursting at the seams. sooooo, we have been discussing how to get more space. Remodel? look for a new place? but how could we give up this blessing of a place we already have. how would we afford an addition. yadda yadda. you get the idea.

so anyhoo. last sunday i was tired of just saying we should check it out and called a realtor to go take a look. i honestly was expecting to find the property to be in pretty bad shape. it looks a little dumpy from the outside, but when i got inside, i was pleasantly surprised. it's got charm. it needs lots of elbow grease, paint, finishes etc., but that it what i love to do. i love interior design, almost and should have gone to school to study it (but that's another story).

long story longer. we (along with my parents) are putting an offer on the house. so our world is turned upside down a little bit right now. this is happening FAST. although, the buying process could take awhile since it is a short sale property which has a reputation for taking forever. but that's ok. we have time. lots and lots of time. just no space. but we're used to that. here are a few photos. check out the antique stove and refridge. lOVE it! so keep your fingers crossed for us and stay tuned. I'll let you know what happens.

hmmmmm, what should I dare to do next?

My Word of the Year

Hello 2010. so glad to see you. don't feel bad 2009, you brought me much happiness and new adventures. actually, you were a pretty great year for me. i feel very fortunate for that. it's just that i think the world is ready for a new start, a clean slate, something to look forward to. i find it fascinating that in just one day, one specific day, everyone will feel like something has shifted. it's not only a new day but a new year and with that comes a breath of fresh air and gives people something to hold onto. i'm ready for my fresh start, are you?

So many people make their annual resolutions and i think that is fine if it works for them, but i have found that it just doesn't do much for me. so joining the crowd of peeps who are chosing their word of the year (love that idea), i have chosen the word.......dare.

Not sure where or when I came up with it and at first i was like....really? i kept searching for another word but kept coming back to dare. so there it is. it's now my job to really define what it means to me and how it will define my life this year. i am daring myself to dream big and take the necessary steps to keep following that dream. no. matter. what. that seems kinda scary for me. i mean the no matter what part. i have a feeling like it may get messy sometimes and i will get misguided, derailed and destracted. like i want to give it up. but on the other hand, i have been shown some glimpses of what can actually happen when i give energy and time to the things that inspire me, and it is so flippin cool. so here it is...... i dare myself to keep going, keep dreaming and just do it! i know that there is more to my word of the year and i look forward to discovering it. may 2010 be a great year for you and i look forward to sharing the journey together.

I leave you with this: something i found in one of the books i bought for collaging. I found it after I had chosen my word which leads me to believe that it was meant to be. pretty much sums it up:

DARE

Dare to make waves

Dare to ask Why?

when no one else will. Dare yourself to walk into that restaurant alone. Dare to introduce

yourself. Dare to be the oldest woman in the class. Dare to be the youngest. Dare to be happier than you ever thought possible. Dare to be different. Be really different! Dare to be as flamboyant, as brilliant, as sexy, as funny, as terrific as you really are. Dare to push your own envelope. Dare to push theirs. Dare to be first. Dare to suggest it's time for a change, then dare to lead the way. Dare to be vulnerable, dare to be real. Dare to proclaim This is who I am, and dare anyone to believe otherwise. Dare to claim your own power and to stand firmly rooted in your own truth. Go ahead,

I dare you.

Dear Serena

hey you. yes you, the one sitting in that orange sweater with that funky little black thing over the top. hair pulled back in a pony tail (like always). listening to Jem on the stereo. thinking that 35 seems really odd and unfamiliar. how did i get here. loving that my mom surprised me by flying out from colorado to celebrate my birthday. the one who chose to go to ikea over a spa day. what is becoming of me. the one looking out the window at the beautiful ice crystals shimmering in the sun. the one who changed clothes 3 times this morning because suddenly my clothes don't seem to be "me". wondering if all of these feelings are because of turning 35 or just something that has been brewing for a long time and is starting to surface. so thankful for my family and friends in such an uncertain time in this world. wanting desperately to find my creative voice and to speak it clearly and loudly. adoring and holding near and dear the little sentiments that have been coming from jackson. like. mom, i just love being with you. mom, you're my best friend. giving me winks and hugs and kisses. man oh man, i hope that never ends. it's the best thing in the world. wondering if this will be the year. wondering how to stay present and find my breath everyday. loving my new friends and their wonderful offerings. loving my lime green arm warmers and licorice tea. finding gratification in taking pictures and playing with them in photoshop. trying to give myself a break. trying to remember and hold onto the memories and lessons learned at the be present retreat. wishing that i had more time to really connect with all of those lovely ladies. in love with Katie Herzig's tunes. thankful for new experiences and adventures. love, love, loving my sweet husband who gets it, who gets me and loves me endlessly. admiring my sisi ryder who has taken the reigns and is going for it. always. laughing at the fact that about 80% of the time I no longer have a daughter, but a kitty cat named Charlotte. life is good, life is crazy, life is going to quickly. I'm 35. I'm forging ahead and determined to keep fighting the good fight and make the best of life. Please remember Serena.... you can do it. yes. you. can! now GO!