The Bumpy Life

new beginnigs

2012-01-05T11:57:00.000-08:00

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style" ~Maya Angelou

I love the chance to begin again. Start fresh and look at things with a new perspective. I wonder why I don't do it more often. Once a year just doesn't seem like enough. But, I will cease the opportunity now, with the new year beginning to clear the slate, forgive all my past inadequacies and start fresh with open eyes and an open heart and begin my journey to live a life where I "thrive"!

Thrive: 1.to grow strongly and vigorously. 2. to do well; prosper

Synonyms: Advance,arrive,bloom,blossom,boom,burgeon,develop,flourish,grow,progress,prosper
radiate,rise,shine,succeed.

With all the love in my heart, I hope that you truly thrive this year!

mama love

2011-05-05T15:20:00.000-07:00

i love my mama
she is quietly confident
she is always there
she is funny in a funny way
she has taken risks
she has followed her heart
she has followed her dreams
she has done things she did not think she could do
and she has done it really well
gracefully
and
humbly.

and she has been the best mama to me!
i couldn't ask for a better role model
i am so grateful for everything that she is as well as
everything that she isn't
she is my mom
and i am her daughter
we are friends
for
life!

Happy Mother's Day mom.

YOU ROCK!

what dorky moms do when their kids are at school

2011-05-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

sometimes you just have to create your own sunshine!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQITCD_9_pM

Hope you are taking the time to celebrate and life YOUR life!

love
and
hugs

i love you gets an upgrade

2011-03-24T16:05:00.001-07:00

My family has a new expression of love that has been filling my heart with so much joy and sweetness lately. I am going to hold onto it for the rest of my days. It actually came from my darling hubby during a middle of the night bad dream episode with Sisi. She was afraid and couldn't settle down. As he tells me, that when he whispered " I love you in your heart" in her ear and gave her one last hug, that she sighed a big sigh, hugged her favorite sleeping huggy and fell back asleep. melt....

There are many times that navigating our way through parenthood gets the best of us. But when your 6yr old boy taps you on the shoulder and you turn around to see this, how can you not just melt. And then to hear the words "mom, I love you in your heart"!!!!

I'm a puddle over here. a mushy, slobbery, hopeless in love puddle.

So, in our house it's no longer I love you, it's forever and ever going to be "I love you in your heart."

cracking open

2011-01-14T14:40:00.000-08:00

image via

I have to tell you. I am feeling terribly vulnerable. I thought I would feel empowered, ready for action, to make the change from being the gal that let her fear stop her from doing things, to being the gal would said, "screw it, I 'm gonna do it anyway." I had psyched myself up for that. I was ready.

wow, was i wrong

It seemed so simple. Everyone else is doing it. Why can't I? Why can't I announce to all my friends (via FB) that I have a blog? Why can't I announce that, YES, I am doing art and feel empowered that I took that step and feel proud. Well, at the time I was proud that I took that step. Now, I'm feeling like I opened a door that I wasn't quite ready to open and for others to see. The gremlins are coming on strong. This is what they sound like: Who are you to call yourself an artist? Who are you to think that people will be interested in what you have to say? Why are you doing this? It's silly.
Even though I don't really want to admit all this (especially publicly), I have to. Because if I don't, than I am not being the real authentic Serena. Not to me and not to you. And that is not why I am here. That's not the girl I want to be.

I'm reading the book, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene` Brown, which is a powerful and eye opening book. I found this quote which is helping me to push past these feelings of vulnerablilitly and to keep on keeping on.

"Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy- the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of the light."

I know I'm not always going to do things right, say the right things and be able to prevent myself from falling back on old habits, but I'm learning (slowly) that showing up is the biggest step I can take and for god's sake, to give myself a break.
If you are here reading this blog, thank you for being here. I am just beginning to crack open and I'm not sure where it will take me. I can't promise anything. I can't promise that I'll post regularly or that I'll share my artwork often. That is what I'd like to do, but I need to say that in order take some of the expectations off my back and to allow myself the room to do the work that I know I need to do.

phew.....that got heavy.

Here is what I'm thankful for today. By allowing myself to be cracked open, I've given the light a place

to shine through!

a try at triptych and dream lab

2011-01-11T14:57:00.000-08:00

I've always loved the idea of several art pieces that hang together on the wall that could be viewed independently but also complement each other when hung together. I've been working on these three panels which have lots of texture, which I love, and a pretty muted color pallet.
I haven't reached that done feeling yet, but not sure what else they need. So, I thought I'd put them up here to see if any of you wise and talented peeps have any suggestions. No need to fluff my feathers if they aren't your style. Just looking for some good, honest opinions.
I know the pictures aren't the best, but if I waited until there was some good natural light here in the NW, I wouldn't have any pictures at all.

In other news, at the last minute, I signed up for the mondo beyondo dream lab offered by 3 ladies that I admire so much. I need a kick in the pants and I am looking forward to digging deep, dreaming big and getting this party started!

Dream big my friends!

Taking action

2011-01-07T16:33:00.000-08:00

I can't tell you how often I come to this computer, sit down, open up my blog, place my fingers on the keyboard, and then sit there for a long time without writing anything. I may write a few sentences, post a picture, then sit back and stare at a mostly blank page, not knowing what else to say. It's not that I don't have anything to say, I just haven't quite found my blog voice. you see, I really want to have a place where I can write about things that matter to me, that inspire me, that scare me. However, those are the things that when I try to explain in words, never quite seems right. I often ask myself, why have a blog then? What is it that draws you to this? I hate to say that I don't think I'm a very good writer, because I try not to judge myself toooo much. but in reality, that is the truth. I struggle finding the right words with almost everything. What draws me to blog, is seeing first hand the awesome community of people you can meet and connect with. To have support from like minded souls as I travel down the bumpy road. To have a place to celebrate my successes and my creativity with others and also a place to come when I need guidance or reassurance. And ultimately (this is hard for me to say out loud) to have a (safe) place that I can share my artwork.

So hears the deal:

I'm tired of not doing things because I don't think that I do them well or that anyone else will be interested in it. I really have done that for far too long. If I can't overcome that obstacle, than all the dreams that live inside my head will never happen and I just can't tolerate that any longer. Life really is too short, and with every year that passes, they seem to go faster and faster. I can't make time slow down, but I can change myself and the way I live out my days.

With that said: I have chosen the word ACTION for my word of the year. When I was telling my hubby about the concept of choosing a focus word for the year, rather than making typical resolutions, I asked him what he thought his word would be. After a brief silence, at the same time, we both said out loud kick ass! It's kind of a joke between us, but I found it uncanny that we were thinking the same thing at the same time. I took it as an omen. But rather than writing kick ass all the time and posting it on my fridge and other places to be seen, I wanted to find another word that basically meant the same thing, but was a little more kid friendly! ACTION seemed appropriate.

I have this words of wisdom book that I cut up to use phrases or words for in my art projects, so I opened it up to see if the word action was there:
Here's what I found and it just sums it up perfectly:

ACT

When it's time, get moving
After you've reflected and meditated, waited, prayed, and reaffirmed, act.
Act on your instincts. Act without delay. Send the letter, make the call. Pack the box. Issue the invitation. Get on the plane. Act already! Act with your own best interests at heart. Act in accordance with your most closely held values.
Act mindfully. Act on behalf of the very young or the very old or the very needy. Now and then, act half your age. Act out in your living room, act up in public. Strut around and act as though you own the joint. Act like the woman you've always wanted to be-and don't be surprised when suddenly you are!

So, here I am. This is me taking action. This is me trying to get past my insecurities and get down to kicking ass! Hope you'll join me for the ride!

Happy 2011 my friends! I have a feeling this is going to be a great year! Do you feel it too?

an attitude of gratitude

2010-11-16T12:59:00.000-08:00

"wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving." ~Kahlil Gibran

i have much to be thankful for in my life and for that i am grateful! Above all else, it is my family that keeps me afloat and fills my well full of love and support. when i stumble i always have a soft place to land and someone waiting there to hold my hand. when i fly i always have someone there cheering me on and encouraging me to go farther and farther.

today i take pause to thank my lucky stars for my family.

In the Sweetness

2010-11-06T11:21:00.000-07:00

"In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
Kahlil Gibran

who would have guessed that early november would bring such beautiful, sunny days to the northwest. usually by now, we are holed up in our cozy houses, breaking out the rain gear and hunkering down for the drizzly season. but this year we have been graced with some of the most beautiful days i have seen in a long time. the air is crisp, the trees are golden, red, orange and every color in between. my heart is bursting and i am every so thankful for these sweet days. especially the ones where i take sierra to one of my favorite places and we have hot cocoa, drool over all the beautiful plants, and play hide and seek amongst the trees.

life is sweet!

no matter how you look at it

2010-10-27T16:21:00.001-07:00

when the dawn is still dark, hold fast to those dreams, for the light is on the horizon and it will shine upon all those who lift their faces to the light.

Shine on my friends!

and then she was 4

2010-10-16T10:09:00.001-07:00

Dear Sierra,
It brings tears to my eyes thinking of how much you have blossomed in this last year. With every day that passes you grow stronger, more sure of yourself and absolutely, positively more adorable. your laugh is infectious and you spread joy wherever you are.

right now you:
*love stuffed animals (especially swirly the pink dolphin and pookie the unicorn)
*are passionate about gymnastics (you're going to rock at this dear one)
*have started circle preschool and are making a few great friends
*love to draw, paint and craft. Can't wait to do more of this together
*start every sentence with: "actually....." or "you know what"
*are very strong willed and are starting to let people know just exactly what you think!
*you are best buds with Jackson and watching the two of you together melts my heart. except when you're fighting (sigh), but I'm willing to overlook that because i know it's all part of the process of growing up.
*are becoming a beautiful little girl whose love of life is inspiring and contagious!

spread your wings sisi ryder! the world is waiting for you and i know you are going to do great things. i know you're only 4, but it's never to early to start.

Shine on girlfriend

brave girls club

2010-10-11T12:40:00.000-07:00

have you ever had an amazing experience that you just can't wait to share with your friends and family? one that transforms your spirit and outlook on life? one that will forever be in your heart and puts a huge ole' smile on your face everytime you think about it? and then you get home and try to put into words and everything you say just doesn't seem to paint the right picture or do it justice. well i am fortunate to have just had one of those experiences at Brave Girls Club in mccall, idaho. i have been thinking of the right words to express my feelings and gratitude for everything that happened in that retreat and i just can't do it yet. maybe I never will, but for now, i wanted to share a few images that shed a light into one of the most incredible weeks I've experienced yet.

>

so for now, until i find the words to tell the story i want to tell, i'm going to bask in the goodness and unconditional love that surrounded us all as we weeded through our lives. i'm going to hold a candle to that dark place where the demons live and know that i'm loved, really deeply loved.
just
as
i am!

and i'm going to go out and DO IT ANYWAY!

Lesson learned

2010-10-01T17:07:00.000-07:00

huh....

there is actually a method for mowing the lawn. who knew? apparantly, not me! i was pretty proud of myself for taking on the machine. me vs. a HUGE amount of wet grass. i actually had a good time doing it. until i was all done and realized that now, the lawn is mowed YES however there are huge piles of wet grass all over the yard. UGGH. not only does it look bad, but if you leave it there it rots and ruins the grass growing underneath. '

crap.

so this afternoon, i brought out my rake and got busy. as you can see, this is going to be a lot of work.

no, that nice, large and fancy house is not mine. it is my father in laws. and yes, we love living next door to grandpa.

this is our house:

nice, tiny, yet still lovely in it's own way.

oops, i digress. back to the task at hand. RAKING. lots and lots of raking. luckily i had some helpers.

one hour later:

i'm not even close to being done, but my arms and abs are TOAST.

time for a glass of wine!

have a great weekend everyone. we'll be celebrating both Sierra's 4th bday and Sam's 38th on sunday. i'll be back with photos of that but probably not for a week or so.

why you ask?

cuz, i'll be at Brave Girls Camp next week with these two lovely gals, along with many women i've yet to meet.

i am over the moon excited!

seriously

i can't even sit still.

it's a problem.

2010-08-07T21:56:00.000-07:00

"These are the days of miracle and wonder" ~ Paul Simon

one of the things i love best about being a mama are the moments that i am drawn back into the world of being silly again. we must of spent 20 minutes with me spraying the hose at the kids while they remained safe from getting wet behind the door. they truly thought this was one of the funnest things to do in the planet. it's moments like this that turn me into a giant puddle of sappy love.

there is nothing better in the world than a giggle fit!

Blessings

2010-07-29T21:40:00.001-07:00

"When I asked for all things, so that I might enjoy life,
I was given life, so that I might enjoy all things."
~unknown author

I love those quiet, blissful moments when i forget all my worries and life comes into focus so clearly that i can appreciate and acknowledge just exactly all the blessings that i've been given in my life. lately, my mind has been noisy, restless, constantly searching for answers. it wears on a gal.

but for now, right now, i am quiet; at peace with what my life is and the amazing abundance that i have been given.

i am here.
i am now.
i am enough.

you spin me right round baby, right round

2010-06-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

i'm in self discovery mode over here. my head is spinning. i'm afraid if i don't settle myself down, i just might spin myself into a tizzy. ahhhhh, hold on girlfriend.

hands up if you've ever gone through a phase where it seems like every corner you turn, there's a lesson to be learned, a new book you just have to read, new people to meet, dreams to create, walls to break down, restless nights, fears to face and, and, and.......
yup, that's me right now.

As soon as i can stop my mad mind from spinning, i'll be back. hopefully with some clarity, some new directions and a newly found ability to "just please myself."

hee hee....why do i feel like a teenage girl when i say that?

Just who does she think she is

2010-06-06T15:38:00.000-07:00

A beautiful soul whom i met last october at the be present retreat blogged about how she was inspired to do this exercise. i was touched by her honesty, inspired by her answers and was curious how i would respond to these prompts. i'm sure if i did this on another day, my answers may differ. but today, this is who i think i am:

i am. learning how to be me

i think. i need to lead with my heart more and not think so much

i know. that i'm a lucky gal

i want. a big red barn

i have. an amazing family

i dislike. judgemental people and luke warm coffee

i miss. my family who live in colorado

i fear. i'll never live up to my potential

i feel. inspired by community

i hear. tweety birds and kids laughing

i smell. spraypaint

i crave. joy

i usually. cry at almost any movie i watch

i search. for bargains

i wonder. where it's all going

i regret. nope.... not really

i love. flea markets and all things thrifty

i care. yes. I care, even if sometimes i don't show it

i am always. up for an adventure

i worry. that i'm not a good enough role model for my kids

i remember. the day i said i do

i have. enough

i dance. cuz it makes me feel good

i sing. cuz i love to

i don't always. believe i can

i argue. not as often as i should

i write. not as much as i'd like

i lose. with grace

i wish. there wasn't so much conflict in the world

i listen. to what you say

i don't understand why. some people have so much and some have so little

i can usually be found. at the computer these days (sigh)

i am scared. of cancer

i need. a lot of time to myself

i forget. almost everything (hee hee)

i am happy. when i am living boldly

if you feel ispired too, i would love to hear just who you think you are. just let me know where i can find you.

2010-04-20T13:45:00.000-07:00

"I believe a joyful life is made up of joyful moments gracefully strung together by trust, gratitude and inspiration." Brene` Brown

I trust that the universe will provide me with what I need

I'm grateful for the things I've been given

I'm inpsired by the beauty that surrounds us all the time.
Sometimes we just need to put rose colored glasses on to see it in a new light

Our family is headed out for a little mini vacation to eastern washington.
Wishing you a joyful weekend and a happy heart!

Berrys in the garden

2010-04-13T16:18:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, the warm sun finally showed up, which means-----GARDENING.
Hip Hip Hooray!
Last year I planted my first vegetable garden. I had no idea what I was doing. Actually, I still don't. But I've decided I don't care and it was proven to me last summer that all it really takes is some good soil and a seed. It's amazing. It was was so much fun and I learned a lot, so I'm hoping this year I'll have even better production and yummy super fresh veggies to feast on. Which also means I get to find new recipes to use up all the veggies. Another thing I love to do.
The cast of characters for the first act.

The leading male offering his expertise and gardening prowess
The leading female carefully sows her seeds
A guest appearance from mr.frog, which when entered the stage, the audience all squealed in delight. For there is nothing more entertaining than a small green slimy frog.

That's all folks. Ya'll come back now ya hear!

Welcome Spring

2010-04-12T11:51:00.000-07:00

Oh, how I have waited for you to appear. Now that I have felt your sun on my face and warmth on my skin, I am renewed and filled with hope for future sunny days spent adventuring, gardening and soaking up all the goodness that comes along with summer in the Northwest.

Be well my friends!

through the eyes of a child

2010-03-26T09:51:00.001-07:00

There is just nothing better or sweeter than looking at life through the eyes of a three year old.

Sierra, you rock my world. may you always see life through a three year old lens and run with wild abandon towards your dreams. i am so very proud of you! i have so much to learn from you and consider myself to blessed that you chose me for a mom.

and you know what..... I want a star tree in my backyard too.

WOW

2010-03-25T14:55:00.000-07:00

wow, wow, wow.... I just put something out into the universe and already it's starting to come alive.

all for now. I'll just have to keep you all on the edge of your seats. I know...it's not fair. I'll let you all in when I know more myself.

wow.....it's amazing what can happen when you put yourself out there. I highly recommend it.

It's better than sex......shhhhh, don't tell my husband.

an unexpected quiet evening

2010-03-23T19:49:00.000-07:00

and ohhhh boy was it needed:

I was having one of those days. The ones where my patience level was zilch, zero, NADA! It just so happens that my kids woke up on the extra needy, extra whiney side of the bed. Needless to say- these two frames of mind do not agree!! We struggled through the morning until I finally gave in, packed a picnic, loaded up the bikes and headed for the park.
I'm still grumpy mind you. really grumpy. It's days like this where I question my parenting abilities and feel tremendous guilt for my lack of attention. I just couldn't pull it off today, no matter how hard I tried.
so....I bought myself an extra large latte and headed for kid land (sigh).

Luckily, once at the park, Jackson and Sierra snapped back into their happy 5 and 3 yr. old selves and played with wild abandon. Instantaneously, all was right in the world again. I sat myself down on the bench, sipped my latte and watched my crazy tikes race down the walkways. It's crazy how one minute I'm ready to sell my kids to the gypsies and the next I'm huggin and squeezin them like there's no tomorrow.

That's parenthood for ya!

So when we returned home, there was a message from Laura( my MIL) saying that her friends who have a farm close by have new baby lambs and that she wanted to take Jax and Sisi to go see them tonight.

woo hoooooo! I'm doing flips over here. Perfect timing. I just love when Sam and I get unexpected time together. Just the two of us. It was so refreshing and needed.
A glass of wine on the porch watching the sun fade out, a couple rounds of seat wars on the trampoline(kicked his butt), a nice quiet dinner reading magazines while Sam was tying flies, good music on the stereo, and now, I'm headed out to the studio for some more great quality me time. wow. I didn't realize how much I needed this.
It's days like this that I'm reminded of how great life can be. Even when it starts out so rough. In this time when life is gauged by work, my kids and their moods, their schedules, my constant wonderings of where life should go next, that when things are the most simple, most pure, that I thrive. I get my sense of self back and the feeling that yes, tomorrow is another day, another chance.

Another chance. What more could we ask for?

And who couldn't love these two faces?

Or this one for that matter: I'm just sayin'

Wholehearted Living and being worthy

2010-03-13T14:20:00.000-08:00

i recently came across this amazing woman's work and was immediatly drawn into her words. as i started reading, it was like i was home. not home in the physical sense, but home within my emotional self, right where i should be, where i was meant to be, where i am naturally, wholeheartedly meant to be. i am extrememly blessed in my life, for where i live, for my family, my amazing husband, for my friends, but there has continued to be a part of me that just hasn't found IT'S way yet. i have drifted over the years, taken many paths, taken on many roles and i have to say that I've only read some of her blog, but her words and message are just what i need right now in my life. I'm starting to feel the shift, a movement towards becoming the more authentic me and am slowly discovering what it is that makes me tick. A shift towards living wholeheartedly, bravely, courageously, confidently and most importantly feeling worthy of feeling fabulous, amazing and talented, not for anyone else, but for myself. I am enough. For me.
Of course, i will falter, i will have days when i feel terribly insecure and lost. but i think i'm learning that this is part of the process, that feeling lost doesn't mean that i am, it just means i need to keep searching. and that's ok. the searching part is pretty amazing anyways.

so there it is: I am declaring myself worthy and will continue my pursuit of wholeheared living. If you haven't heard of Brene, go check her out here.

This is is how she describes wholehearted living:

Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone; I am enough.

pretty cool, right?

Start Close In

2010-02-08T13:52:00.000-08:00

Start close in,
don't take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don't want to take.

Start with
the ground
you know,
the pale ground
beneath your feet,
your own
way of starting
the conversation.

Start with your own
question,
give up on other
people's questions,
don't let them
smother something
simple.

To find
another's voice
follow
your own voice,
wait until
that voice
becomes a
private ear
listening
to another.

Start right now
take a small step
you can call your own
don't follow
someone else's
heroics, be humble
and focused,
start close in,
don't mistake
that other
for your own.

Start close in,
don't take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don't want to take.

~David Whyte

My fellow retreaters will remember this powerful poem from our first night in Manzanita. I remember sitting there with the room filled with candles and all of us huddled together, sitting closely, even though we had just met. The beautiful and oh so calm Liz ,sat down to welcome us and read this poem. I sat quietly with my eyes closed and let the words pour into me. They hit me hard. really hard. I'm not sure why. They just did. maybe it was because it's such a simple concept, but yet, for me seemed like such a difficult task. Take the first step, the one you don't want to take. I often find myself having the hardest time executing the tasks that appear to be the easiest. Am I the only one?

But wait. I was there. right? I DID take a step. I was sitting in a room, hours away from my home, surrounded with gals who were there for the same reason I was. It felt like home, even though I had never been there before, even though I didn't know a single soul there. I did take a step. I had taken a step towards what my heart was calling me to do and it felt good. oh. so. good.

It still feels hard, even though I have proven to myself that it really isn't. So, I must remind myself daily to start with the first step, the one I don't want to take and see what the heck happens from there.

right now

2010-02-01T20:56:00.000-08:00

february is the month of love and i can sense it in the air (especially the cyber air). i thought i'd join in and share what i heart right now.

* This amazing artist and his beautiful words. especially love his joy painting and reading about his process of creation. i had a personalized print made from him for one of my best friends baby and it is truly unique and special. those of you who read my last post, the print that hangs in my bathroom is from him and he sent it free along with my order for my girlfriend. HEART.

* receiving a handmade card in the mail from this beautiful gal. oh how i love snail mail. please don't let die. Thank you miss K.

* this musical artist is on heavy rotation, getting me through my days, dancing in the living room with my two, little booty shaking, dance partners. especially love "something great"

*heart this artist. so lovely

*kisses- although i prefer the real thing, herseys extra dark tide me over and put a smile on my face. love me some chocolate.

*my little three year old princess who adores her tutu and fairy wings. the look on her face when she comes out of her room dressed up like a princess is precious and something i'll treasure forever. pure.sweet.innocence

* my new art piece in progress. loving this one. i'll post pictures soon.

sending love your way
be well,
Bumpy

2010-01-28T16:25:00.000-08:00

I have been trying for days to sit down and write a meaningful post. I can't seem to narrow or focus all of thoughts in my head these days. So, I'm just going to let it be and share a photo of the print that hangs in my bathroom. It's a great daily reminder to keep striving to do and to be better.

Hope all is well in your world,
love,
Bumpy

a creative weekend

2010-01-19T09:25:00.000-08:00

this past weekend was a dream for me. sam took the kids out to lunch and a movie on saturday. the brave guy sat through an hour and a half of squealing chickmunks just to give mama some time alone. thank you babe! i went into town, actually sat down to enjoy my latte, perused the local thrift store and gathered a few new supplies for messy art making. i then headed home and out to the studio to get started creating. i had been working on a piece for awhile with intentions of giving it to a friend for her upcoming birthday. but i got stuck with this piece. i heard
Kelly Rae's voice in my head reminding me to keep pushing through but I just couldn't do it with this one for quite some time. so i put it aside and started some other projects. with the help of some good music and lots of coffee, i was actually pretty productive and happy with what transpired. by the end of the day i came back to the piece that was frustrating me and jumped in. after some fiddling and adding, i finally came to the "done" feeling. good times i tell ya. love my studio. love it!

when the kids came home they came out to the studio to see what mom was up to. they are so cute when they come in there. looking around and at me like "what is going on in here?" they are also very respectful of my space and somehow know that it is mom's special place.
sam and jackson went to work on the road a little bit and i invited sierra to stay with me and make some art together. she was so excited. so went stood side by side and started getting messy together. she started putting paing on the paper and i would add a thing here or there. then i began to add words and asked her what word she wanted to put on there. "funny" was her answer. gotta love that. i was just having the best time and i realized that i was so much looser and free while creating with her. when i am doing my own stuff i am often so much more critical and trying too hard. so this was a good lesson for me. i need to let go of trying to make good art and just let whatever comes out happen. and i loved what we made together.

then it was jackson's turn. he came in and saw that sisi and i were painting and he wanted to join in. so we made room and got busy painting. at first i just let him paint and then asked if i could join in. i absolutely love what came out of that. i wished that i had given him a canvas. i'll have to find a way to frame these paintings. they are so dear to me and it brought me so much joy.

Sunday was a wonderful day too. Gym, grocery shopping (i know.... most people don't enjoy grocery shopping, but i do. especially if i can go without the kids), cooking, a new coffe mug (heart), football, watching sam learn how to tie his own flies. taking a long walk with the kids in the grand forest, and having sam's dad and girlfriend over for dinner. new 24 season. oh yeah. just lovely. wish all weekends could be this good.

All for now.
Be well friends

ps. if anyone out there knows how to edit photos after you have added them to the blog and feels like giving a little tutorial, I'd be much obliged. still trying to figure out blog jargin.

Here we go

2010-01-12T14:40:00.001-08:00

well, I chose the word dare and already I am faced with stepping up to the plate. There has been this house for sale behind our current house for 6 months or so. I kept telling myself and even Sam a few times that we should go check it out. You see...... our current house is adorable, it's on 2.5 south facing sunny acres with lots of open space to garden and for the kids to roam. The problem is that our cute little cottage is small and is getting smaller and smaller everyday. 4 peeps, 2 of them being crazy little ninjas, 2 official bedrooms, 1 bathroom and hardly any closets means that we are bursting at the seams. sooooo, we have been discussing how to get more space. Remodel? look for a new place? but how could we give up this blessing of a place we already have. how would we afford an addition. yadda yadda. you get the idea.

so anyhoo. last sunday i was tired of just saying we should check it out and called a realtor to go take a look. i honestly was expecting to find the property to be in pretty bad shape. it looks a little dumpy from the outside, but when i got inside, i was pleasantly surprised. it's got charm. it needs lots of elbow grease, paint, finishes etc., but that it what i love to do. i love interior design, almost and should have gone to school to study it (but that's another story).

long story longer. we (along with my parents) are putting an offer on the house. so our world is turned upside down a little bit right now. this is happening FAST. although, the buying process could take awhile since it is a short sale property which has a reputation for taking forever. but that's ok. we have time. lots and lots of time. just no space. but we're used to that. here are a few photos. check out the antique stove and refridge. lOVE it! so keep your fingers crossed for us and stay tuned. I'll let you know what happens.

hmmmmm, what should I dare to do next?

My Word of the Year

2010-01-04T11:03:00.000-08:00

Hello 2010. so glad to see you. don't feel bad 2009, you brought me much happiness and new adventures. actually, you were a pretty great year for me. i feel very fortunate for that. it's just that i think the world is ready for a new start, a clean slate, something to look forward to. i find it fascinating that in just one day, one specific day, everyone will feel like something has shifted. it's not only a new day but a new year and with that comes a breath of fresh air and gives people something to hold onto. i'm ready for my fresh start, are you?

So many people make their annual resolutions and i think that is fine if it works for them, but i have found that it just doesn't do much for me. so joining the crowd of peeps who are chosing their word of the year (love that idea), i have chosen the word.......dare.

Not sure where or when I came up with it and at first i was like....really? i kept searching for another word but kept coming back to dare. so there it is. it's now my job to really define what it means to me and how it will define my life this year. i am daring myself to dream big and take the necessary steps to keep following that dream. no. matter. what. that seems kinda scary for me. i mean the no matter what part. i have a feeling like it may get messy sometimes and i will get misguided, derailed and destracted. like i want to give it up. but on the other hand, i have been shown some glimpses of what can actually happen when i give energy and time to the things that inspire me, and it is so flippin cool. so here it is...... i dare myself to keep going, keep dreaming and just do it! i know that there is more to my word of the year and i look forward to discovering it. may 2010 be a great year for you and i look forward to sharing the journey together.

I leave you with this: something i found in one of the books i bought for collaging. I found it after I had chosen my word which leads me to believe that it was meant to be. pretty much sums it up:

DARE

Dare to make waves

Dare to ask Why?

when no one else will. Dare yourself to walk into that restaurant alone. Dare to introduce

yourself. Dare to be the oldest woman in the class. Dare to be the youngest. Dare to be happier than you ever thought possible. Dare to be different. Be really different! Dare to be as flamboyant, as brilliant, as sexy, as funny, as terrific as you really are. Dare to push your own envelope. Dare to push theirs. Dare to be first. Dare to suggest it's time for a change, then dare to lead the way. Dare to be vulnerable, dare to be real. Dare to proclaim This is who I am, and dare anyone to believe otherwise. Dare to claim your own power and to stand firmly rooted in your own truth. Go ahead,

I dare you.

Dear Serena

2009-12-10T12:01:00.000-08:00

hey you. yes you, the one sitting in that orange sweater with that funky little black thing over the top. hair pulled back in a pony tail (like always). listening to Jem on the stereo. thinking that 35 seems really odd and unfamiliar. how did i get here. loving that my mom surprised me by flying out from colorado to celebrate my birthday. the one who chose to go to ikea over a spa day. what is becoming of me. the one looking out the window at the beautiful ice crystals shimmering in the sun. the one who changed clothes 3 times this morning because suddenly my clothes don't seem to be "me". wondering if all of these feelings are because of turning 35 or just something that has been brewing for a long time and is starting to surface. so thankful for my family and friends in such an uncertain time in this world. wanting desperately to find my creative voice and to speak it clearly and loudly. adoring and holding near and dear the little sentiments that have been coming from jackson. like. mom, i just love being with you. mom, you're my best friend. giving me winks and hugs and kisses. man oh man, i hope that never ends. it's the best thing in the world. wondering if this will be the year. wondering how to stay present and find my breath everyday. loving my new friends and their wonderful offerings. loving my lime green arm warmers and licorice tea. finding gratification in taking pictures and playing with them in photoshop. trying to give myself a break. trying to remember and hold onto the memories and lessons learned at the be present retreat. wishing that i had more time to really connect with all of those lovely ladies. in love with Katie Herzig's tunes. thankful for new experiences and adventures. love, love, loving my sweet husband who gets it, who gets me and loves me endlessly. admiring my sisi ryder who has taken the reigns and is going for it. always. laughing at the fact that about 80% of the time I no longer have a daughter, but a kitty cat named Charlotte. life is good, life is crazy, life is going to quickly. I'm 35. I'm forging ahead and determined to keep fighting the good fight and make the best of life. Please remember Serena.... you can do it. yes. you. can! now GO!

random musings

2009-11-09T11:56:00.000-08:00

It is a seriously dark and rainy monday around here. Fortunately, monday is the only day where I get four whole hours to myself and I'm not going to let it get me down. No way Jose`!
my mind is all over the map today~but in an effort to write more and blog more often, here i am. so bear with me.

what's on my mind:

*feeling really internal right now. Most likely the change of seasons and short daylight hours, but also, still trying to figure out how to take what I discovered at the Unearth retreat and make it a vital part of me- of my life- a priority that doesn't get pushed to the side to make way for all the other things that need my attention ( ah-hem..... preschoolers anyone?)

* feeling incredibily grateful for my family and for those that love me. For without them, my sanity would be severly compromised.

* realizing that my knack for good spelling and abilitly to remember things (to do list) is gone.... I mean GONE..... what the heck is up with that? For years I have blamed it on "the mommy brain", but I don't think I can get away with that anymore.

*My family thinks I'm cooking dinner right now (hee hee)
don't tell!

* Saw 'This is It' last night. MJ rocks. loved this flick and can't wait to see it again.

* Loving that my chocolate addiction is also offering me some devine inspiration. Today the quote inside my tasty little wrapper said "challange yourself and seek inward peace". I do declare..... chocolate is the answer!!!

* Feeling really inspired by all the lovely women in my life and all their creations. Yes.... I'm talking about YOU! If you are reading this, then you are one of those women. Thank you

* I'm happy

* ok, yes. I have had a glass or two of wine.

* It has taken me all day to finish this post even though I feel like I really haven't said anything.

* stumbled upon this video today while searching for a photo and haven't stopped laughing since. I had completely forgotten about it and am thankful for the giggles it has provided today.

Later Gators! Be Well.

Art Exchange

2009-11-03T17:28:00.000-08:00

My sweet new friend, Kolleen, sent me an invitation to participate in an art exchange. Basically, I create a piece of art and send it off the name on the top of the list. I didn't know the person except through a couple of stories that Kolleen had told me. With a name like Pixie, how could you not be cute. I just learned today through a facebook post that she is a fellow artist and is doing a show in LA this weekend. I have to admit, I was fairly intimidated at the prospect of having to produce a piece of art and then to have to ship it off. my punk demons came out instantly! "who are you to call yourself an artist" "what if they hate it" "what if I can't come up with anything good". Then, taking the advice of two beautiful beings, I found my breath and then just went for it! "There are no mistakes" right? Well anyway, here is what I came up with. It all came together in about two hours and I am pretty happy with it. I can't wait to see what shows up in my mailbox and I am so inspired by people having blind faith in themselves and having the abilitly to open up and share. This is all just so cool.

Home

2009-10-26T11:42:00.001-07:00

Home is where I want to be these days. Cozy, warm, little home. Fall is totally seeping into my bones. Loving hot tea, soup on the stove, lazy days and going to bed early. This isn't necessarily conducive to being productive, but I'm ok with it. At least for now.

Hot Babes

2009-10-22T15:21:00.001-07:00

_MG_0729, originally uploaded by nomadic patty.

Check out all of these amazing and beautiful women that I had the good fortune to spend 4 days with.

Thank you ladies for being you and for sharing your journey with me. I feel so blessed to have met each and every one of you.

Kelly B..... this picture is not complete without you. I can't believe that we let you get away with not being in it. However, you are one of the hottest babes around.

Showing Up

2009-10-19T14:32:00.000-07:00

I just returned from the Be Present Retreat held on the Oregon coast. 5 days spent with 24 women I had never met. As I packed up my bags I was nervous, excited, thrilled to be finally be headed for this retreat that I signed up for so long ago. I am really glad that I had to pay up front because as the date came closer and closer, I found myself questioning whether or not we could afford it, questioning if it was something that was REALLY important and being pretty nervous about being with a group of gals that I didn't know.

But I showed up:

I SHOWED UP!

and what I realize now is that I couldn't afford NOT to go. I couldn't keep continuing on the same path and be happy about where I was going. You know that expression.... "same shit, different day," well that is how my life started to feel. I needed to stir the pot. I needed to surround myself with like minded women who would get it. I simply just needed some time and space to unearth the creative spirit and flow within myself that has gotten a little buried in the process of raising a family.

With the support, love and encouragement of all the beautiful souls that were along with me on this journey, I feel like I have found myself again. The flicker of light that used to be quietly burning inside me is now starting to look like a flame that is burning brighter and stronger.

There is so much more to say, but finding the right words is hard right now. I'm still processing. but for now I'll say......
Thank you.

Thank you to each and everyone of the beautiful women who made this past week so powerful and amazing for me.

And thank you to myself for having the guts to show up!

my garden

2009-08-21T13:22:00.000-07:00

It started with a notion that it would be great to have our own garden. our own fresh food picked right off the vine. not having to pay a premium at the grocery store for organic produce. So we decided to go for it. thank god Sam brought in the heavy equipment to strip the sod and make our beds. pulling weeds is back breaking enough for me thank you very much. there was still much shoveling to be done and i've found that i actually like digging in the dirt. yes, it's painful, but somewhere in the middle comes a great sense of accomplishment and feelings of kicking ass. the beds were made and filled with expensive dirt. next came seeds. i have to say that having never grown vegetables from seed before that i was a little skeptical that this teensy, tiny thing was going to grow into a thriving, food producing machine. i watered the dirt and crossed my fingers and what do you know, no longer than one week passed before we started seeing tiny little green heads popping out of the soil. Amazing!

two and half months later:

we now have more beans, tomatoes, squash than we can possible eat. eating fresh food from the garden rocks. so much more flavor and color and satisfaction.

now.....back to those weeds

my sisi rider

2009-05-14T16:50:00.000-07:00

what can I say.....you are just too darned cute

On the Road

2008-10-30T17:13:00.000-07:00

Sierra woke well before the crack of dawn today, so by 7 am I'm trying to think of things to do. It's was a beautiful day with the fall colors in full bloom, so I decided to put the kids in the car and go up to Port Townsend. I love Port Townsend. It's full of quaint shops, historic buildings and colorful people. We headed out to the beach for some rock throwing (a favorite activity of the kids) and enjoyed the gorgeous NW day. I remind myself that I should do more things like this with the kids. It is so good for us to get out of the house and the daily routines. Of course, it's always easier said than done with two small human beings.

Telling it like it is

2008-10-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

Each and every day i spend with these darling children i learn something new. I love that this picture captures what life is like these days in our house. This was a very cool day in that we had a huge thunderstorm....something that doesn't happen here in the NW very often. I set out the chairs on the porch so Jax and Sisi could witness all the exciting action of the storm. Each and every time the clouds "collided" they would both whoop and holler and ask for more. Jackson is always trying to be the big brother and explain to Sierra what is really happening. Most times Sisi goes on her own rant with her adorable and mostly unintelligable stories which frustrates Jackson, and so, the battle begins..... It is so amazing to witness the friendship and connection that is happening between brother and sister. I am an only child, so seeing this all unfold before me is like reliving a childhood and seeing what it must be like for those with siblings.
I am starting this blog in hopes to record some of these precious moments that happen in every day life. The things that I feel I will always remember somehow seem to fade into the distance with out even knowing it.
This is my life, these are my stories.